Menu
Menu
Menu
She was small and fragile. Her body was covered in amniotic fluid. Here eyes were big and black, reacting to their first impression of light. Muscle spasms caused her arms and legs to flail in the air, helpless and fearful.
The nurses quickly toweled her down and laid her on Kaelin’s chest. Slowly her cries ceased. Her face directed towards me. Eyes searching for sense to the information they received.
I blinked back tears that fogged up my vision as I cut the umbilical cord. Nurses were constantly moving, the doctor cleaning up his station. But it was all a blur to me. Noise in the background. Suddenly she was taken to the bassinet and laid underneath a heating lamp.
She was weighed, dressed, and placed in my arms. She looked at me with her big eyes. I talked to her. I told her everything that came to mind. I knew she couldn’t see me. But she was listening.
Then she smiled. Only for a moment. And that was all I wanted.
My daughter, Lillyana Merry.
The next few days in the hospital shuffled by, much quicker than the previous weeks of waiting, waiting, waiting for her to be born. When she arrived 4 weeks early, we worked tirelessly around the clock to feed her and keep her blood sugar levels up. Our routine was simple, yet tiresome. Kaelin would nurse, then pass Lillyana to me for a bottle while she pumped. I would keep her focused for nearly an hour until she drank 10-15 ml, then we would nap for two hours until it was time for her to eat again.
The wonky schedule played with our minds. Once a strong objector to coffee, I greedily filled and emptied my foam cup of the heavy caffene. The outlook was not promising. Her last two blood tests were below levels. She was falling asleep whenever it was time to eat. My top priority was to prevent her from transferring to the NICU, a guarantee of additional days on a hospital bed.
But our hard work paid off. On the next test, her sugar levels peaked requirements, and we were discharged just two days after delivery.
The drive home was surreal. No more will our spare time be filled with boredom or personal projects. My responsibilities have upgraded from husband to father. I gazed out across the road with awe as I thought of raising up a little girl. Will she want to go fishing with her daddy? Will she hate the outdoors? Will she love to read?
Will she…
Possibilities ran through my head. I felt like I was planning another trip for Kaelin and me. In a sense I was, but not the type that involves airfare, national parks, or car rentals. This adventure involved long nights, swaddling blankets, and bunny-eared hats.
The biggest question is…does this mean the end to travelling?
I say no.
The next few days in the hospital shuffled by, much quicker than the previous weeks of waiting, waiting, waiting for her to be born. When she arrived 4 weeks early, we worked tirelessly around the clock to feed her and keep her blood sugar levels up. Our routine was simple, yet tiresome. Kaelin would nurse, then pass Lillyana to me for a bottle while she pumped. I would keep her focused for nearly an hour until she drank 10-15 ml, then we would nap for two hours until it was time for her to eat again.
The wonky schedule played with our minds. Once a strong objector to coffee, I greedily filled and emptied my foam cup of the heavy caffene. The outlook was not promising. Her last two blood tests were below levels. She was falling asleep whenever it was time to eat. My top priority was to prevent her from transferring to the NICU, a guarantee of additional days on a hospital bed.
But our hard work paid off. On the next test, her sugar levels peaked requirements, and we were discharged just two days after delivery.
The drive home was surreal. No more will our spare time be filled with boredom or personal projects. My responsibilities have upgraded from husband to father. I gazed out across the road with awe as I thought of raising up a little girl. Will she want to go fishing with her daddy? Will she hate the outdoors? Will she love to read?
Will she…
Possibilities ran through my head. I felt like I was planning another trip for Kaelin and me. In a sense I was, but not the type that involves airfare, national parks, or car rentals. This adventure involved long nights, swaddling blankets, and bunny-eared hats.
The biggest question is…does this mean the end to travelling?
I say no.
It seems to me that many young families see their children as a 20+ year disability. They think that once you have kids, most of your social/adventurous side of life is put on hold.
I don’t see it that way.
My perspective is one of an added challenge; an obstacle, not a disability. I’ve read many articles on travelling, hiking, and flying with babies and toddlers. It’s a lot of work, and I am grateful to all those parents who tried it and shared their stories. It’s because of them that I have hope for my future.
As I wrap up this entry, Lillyana has already surpassed 5 lbs in less than two weeks. As a 4 week preemie, that is good. She doesn’t cry much and so far is adapting well to the three hour schedule mentioned above. Most of her day is spent sleeping. Those moments I do get her awake, she is wide-eyed and constantly looking around.
Oh so small and precious. Every time I look at her I get excited for what the future holds.
I can’t wait to begin.
Molon Labe